My Ramadhan Is Special..

Alhamdulillah.. this time I dapat celebrate a celebration dalam keadaan sihat sejahtera.. All my other celebrations were during my chemo sessions so I couldn’t do much during that time, Couldn’t eat much, move much and most of the time I shed tears in my prayers asking for forgiveness and may Allah take all the pain away..

To tell the truth I tak berani nak tulis this posting until my Ramadhan came sebab I was not sure “dapat ke puasa tahun nih?” … How shall I explain here yer.. Like all the years before I selalu fikir everything is a sure thing. Everytime Ramadhan came I will Always grumble “alar.. puasa dah nih, nanti sure pening kepala nak jaga hati mumy or abah” yeah, I came from a broken family and always sad during bulan puasa and Hari Raya. Tapi one day God bagi I macam nih. One shot I dapat ‘pakej’ ni tapi I redha and laluinya penuh kesabaran. Maybe sebab I grumble so much before and tak pernah appreciate life and so God is teaching me lessons in His own way, wallahualam.. jadi, sejak tu nothing is every sure for me again. During chemo I selalu tanyer my mom, “mie, besok adik ader lagi ker? Tuhan nak amik adik dah ker” (ya ya, I am 30 years old tapi family still calls me ADIK) but this time I kept the question to myself and waited till this morning to know I ader Ramadhan lagi ker tak.. lepas nih I will answer all my questions this way, tunggu the day dengan penuh kesabaran. Satu hikmah yang paling besar I dapat untuk ‘Ujian” ni ialah kesabaran. Suatu pembelajaran yang I tak dapat nak terangkan..

Ramadhan kali nih I will not fret anymore I will do my best to be the best for my parents, my own family and for my Diya. Allah bagi I peluang kedua to change and appreciate things and I will. Insyaallah, I will be a better person from now, not entirely for sure but I will try..

Ps: to my dear fren Haidi.. be strong. Belive me, sabar adalah ubat yang terbaik dalam semua hal.. if my happiness day finally came, so will yours. Things will turn out OK, Insyaallah..